Post by Fei on Oct 3, 2014 3:37:56 GMT -8
Warning: I fully acknowledge that this is the "bitter" version of my final words. They are wrought with the personal feelings I had, and felt like didnt get a chance to fully express during the TC where I left. If you're just gonna call me a whiny bitch, this post isn't for you. Move on.
Typically I try to keep it classy.
...But for some reason this doesn't feel typical.
My first game that I missed out on the finals, I was passed over so that someone could take the more "honorable" choice (aka I was the goat-ish and the person who won the final challenge took the other guy, so he could be seen as going against "the best." ) Now, I'm missing out on the finals for the opposite. I'm the threat --with a whopping 2 potential votes.
I'm mostly mad at Chris right now, to be honest. Paranoia isn't attractive boo. And as soon as I said "Are we still good" and he said nothing I had my answer. And then he had the nerve to fucking apologize. No. Don't say sorry while you stab someone in the back. None of this wishy washy bullshit. Maybe I was foolish and maybe that's why I'm bitter, but all I wanna ask him is was it fucking worth it? He literally could have gone to the end with any combination of us and won and yet he cast me aside. And, I guess if he's closer to Debbie joke is on fucking me. I know people always say "it's just a game" but if it's "just a game" then why not take your formidable opponents to the end to beat? This isn't a million dollars. It makes me feel like our friendship is a lie.
I'm mad at Joey too. Because I tried to support him while he did the immunity challenge. And why? Why did he even try? DID he even try? If he knew that it was going to be me all along? When he fucking KNEW I lost it at 40 minutes. I wish he woulda just kept me in the dark the whole time instead of stringing me along with this F3 Tripz bullshit. I had no where to run and instead of letting me "die" on my terms he had to take part in making me go out like this---looking like a fucking dumbass.
I'm mad at Debbie because when I look at her it makers me feel shitty about how I play games. And when I look at her all I see is illogical emotional decisions. And you know what? That's what I was here to prove wrong. That I could be a fucking emotional player and still be logical. A girl with friends could keep them and get far. A target since day -1 could counteract perceptions by just building and strengthening relationships. That I could still beat the odds. I hate how emotional, honest, and friend-based games always get so much fucking lip from people and wanted to prove that with a little skill and a little luck it it could work. And now, all I'll see is just another goat getting dragged to the end who will spout off glossed over boring jury answers and not fucking own it. I hope she fucking surprises me.
Most of all though I'm mad at myself. That I let my guard down for one second in this game. That I actually believed that the relationships I had built would carry me. What a fucking laugh. I am usually very aware, rarely blindsided (though twice-ish in this game lol) and usually am able to TELL when someone's lying to me so I can at least make them feel properly guilty on the way out the door. Not this time. I was legitimately fooled and it makes me feel, well, like a fool.
Typically I try to keep it classy.
...But for some reason this doesn't feel typical.
My first game that I missed out on the finals, I was passed over so that someone could take the more "honorable" choice (aka I was the goat-ish and the person who won the final challenge took the other guy, so he could be seen as going against "the best." ) Now, I'm missing out on the finals for the opposite. I'm the threat --with a whopping 2 potential votes.
I'm mostly mad at Chris right now, to be honest. Paranoia isn't attractive boo. And as soon as I said "Are we still good" and he said nothing I had my answer. And then he had the nerve to fucking apologize. No. Don't say sorry while you stab someone in the back. None of this wishy washy bullshit. Maybe I was foolish and maybe that's why I'm bitter, but all I wanna ask him is was it fucking worth it? He literally could have gone to the end with any combination of us and won and yet he cast me aside. And, I guess if he's closer to Debbie joke is on fucking me. I know people always say "it's just a game" but if it's "just a game" then why not take your formidable opponents to the end to beat? This isn't a million dollars. It makes me feel like our friendship is a lie.
I'm mad at Joey too. Because I tried to support him while he did the immunity challenge. And why? Why did he even try? DID he even try? If he knew that it was going to be me all along? When he fucking KNEW I lost it at 40 minutes. I wish he woulda just kept me in the dark the whole time instead of stringing me along with this F3 Tripz bullshit. I had no where to run and instead of letting me "die" on my terms he had to take part in making me go out like this---looking like a fucking dumbass.
I'm mad at Debbie because when I look at her it makers me feel shitty about how I play games. And when I look at her all I see is illogical emotional decisions. And you know what? That's what I was here to prove wrong. That I could be a fucking emotional player and still be logical. A girl with friends could keep them and get far. A target since day -1 could counteract perceptions by just building and strengthening relationships. That I could still beat the odds. I hate how emotional, honest, and friend-based games always get so much fucking lip from people and wanted to prove that with a little skill and a little luck it it could work. And now, all I'll see is just another goat getting dragged to the end who will spout off glossed over boring jury answers and not fucking own it. I hope she fucking surprises me.
Most of all though I'm mad at myself. That I let my guard down for one second in this game. That I actually believed that the relationships I had built would carry me. What a fucking laugh. I am usually very aware, rarely blindsided (though twice-ish in this game lol) and usually am able to TELL when someone's lying to me so I can at least make them feel properly guilty on the way out the door. Not this time. I was legitimately fooled and it makes me feel, well, like a fool.
